It has been a couple of years since I published my blog about why sunflowers are so important to me. I was going to rerun the blog, but I cannot do so because of computer issues. I am rewriting the blog.
For many years, I lived in darkness. The darkness began after I lost my son in an adoption failure. Wait – let’s go back to the beginning of this story.
I married at 25 and was told by my doctor that since I am a Type 1 Diabetic, I needed to have my children before I was 30. (Things are different now, that was in the 80’s) My husband (now ex-husband) and I started trying immediately to have a family. Nothing happened. My ex was in the military, and we tried to go to the infertility clinic on base, but they were not accepting new patients. So, my primary doctor tried to help us as much as possible.
After seven years of trying, we decided on adoption. We had four adoption attempts. The first one, a friend, was not going to complete her adoption because she and her husband got pregnant. I sent all the information to the lawyer and got a call saying that the child had already been promised to another family.
The second adoption attempt failed when the mother changed her mind once the baby was born.
After those two attempts, my ex and I decided that we might be able to love a special needs child. We went to the classes, started the home study, and decided it was too much for us.
Finally, I got a call from a friend telling me about a young woman wanting to bless another family with her baby. I walked with her for seven months during her pregnancy. I heard the baby’s heartbeat and cheered her on as she endured the ups and downs of pregnancy. It was a blessing to be a part of her journey.
On July 22nd, she had a beautiful baby boy. We brought him home at 18 hours old. He never cried, ate little, or wrinkled his forehead. At a few days old, we took him to the doctor. He went through all the routine procedures – weight and temperature etc…. I was smiling the whole time and loving every minute of being a mom. The doctor told me that he had lost too much weight and I needed to bring him in every other day for a weight check. I was not alarmed; I thought many parents had gone through the same thing. He told me I needed to wake him up every two hours and get him to consume an ounce or two of formula. I faithfully got up every two hours and fed him. Getting him to consume an ounce or two of formula would take about an hour.
On one of the visits to the doctor, I looked down at the file and saw the diagnosis was Failure to Thrive. I was frightened by the diagnosis. I talked to the doctor at length about what that meant. He told me that the baby did not have the will to live. Over the next few weeks, I spent even more time engaging and working with him. Finally, one day, he laughed (I chose to think that it was not gas.) Soon, he was taking his formula, smiling, and became a healthy baby boy.
The next few months were incredible. I loved being a wife and a mom. I felt like my family was complete.
At the beginning of December, I received the first phone call. It was the man the birth mother was involved with, and he said that we should run that the birth mom was coming for the baby. I was devastated. I was singing in a concert that night and managed to perform through periodic tears. I talked with my pastor (a second dad), and we prayed fervently. The next day, we went to see my lawyer, and she said that the birth mom had six months to change her mind, and she was able to take him back – it had been five months.
A week later, the birth mother called and said that she was coming to get the baby on December 30th. (She had moved to another state.) December 30th was two weeks away. It was one of the longest and hardest two weeks of my life. I tried to enjoy the last days with my son, but I often cried. The baby was no longer smiling and laughing; he had a stressed look on his face, too.
The day came, and she was coming to get him. We met in the side room of the church. Several people came to support my ex and me. My lawyer had called for a police standby, so two police officers were present.
Once the birth mom arrived, the police took me to the other room, where I had to undress my son and allow them to look for any marks. It was hard for me to remove his clothes, including his diaper, and then put them back on. I was crying so hard I could hardly see to do it. She ripped him from my arms when and ran out the door.
From that point on – the darkness fell.
For a few days, I was numb. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, leave the house, or get out of bed. However, I had to keep going. The harder I tried to live, the more challenging things got. The numbness wore off, and I became angry and grieved my loss. Unfortunately, I did not appropriately handle my emotions. The darkness took over; it lasted for 12 years. I was extremely depressed, was functioning very little, and started self-harming. I became suicidal and made several attempts. After nine months, my ex left me because he “didn’t need a crazy wife.” That only made matters worse.
Throughout those 12 years, people cared for me; I kept doing stupid things. A couple of times, I lived with others because I couldn’t be trusted to live alone. The years were incredibly dark.
I moved into a new apartment, and a friend gave me a sunflower picture. I didn’t look at it much. One day, I walked past it and noticed the colors. The next time I walked by it, I smiled. That is the first time I remember smiling without faking it since I lost the baby.
From that day on, every time I see a sunflower, I smile, and I am grateful for my life and what I am doing now.
Here are 10 fun facts about sunflowers:
They Follow the Sun: Young sunflowers exhibit heliotropism, following the sun from east to west during the day. As they mature, they settle facing east.
Tallest Sunflower: The tallest sunflower ever recorded reached a staggering height of 30 feet 1 inch (9.17 meters) in Germany in 2014.
Multiple Flowers in One: A sunflower’s “flower” is actually made up of thousands of tiny individual flowers called florets that eventually become seeds.
Sunflower Seeds as Snacks: Sunflower seeds are a popular snack and come in two types: confectionery (used for snacks and foods) and oilseeds (pressed to make sunflower oil).
They Help Clean Soil: Sunflowers are often used in phytoremediation, which means they can absorb toxic substances, like lead and uranium, from contaminated soil.
Not Just Yellow: While most sunflowers are known for their vibrant yellow petals, they can also come in red, orange, and even purple varieties.
Symbol of Loyalty and Longevity: In various cultures, sunflowers represent loyalty, longevity, and happiness, making them a popular symbol in art and folklore.
Record Seed Production: A single sunflower head can produce up to 2,000 seeds, making them incredibly prolific.
Ancient Crop: Native Americans first cultivated sunflowers around 3,000 BCE, using the seeds for food, oil, and dye.
Edible Entirely: Every part of the sunflower is useful—petals, seeds, leaves, and roots can be eaten or used for medicinal purposes. The seeds, of course, are the most popular part for eating!
Sunflowers are not only visually stunning but have a lot of fascinating qualities.
Have a great week!
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