“Cancer is a word, not a sentence.” - John Diamond (British Journalist)
The word cancer can be very scary. It is referred to in many ways, such as The Big C, C-word, and Cancer Beast.
Most of you reading my blogs know that I struggle with pessimism. When anything in my body goes seriously wrong, the first thing that goes through my mind is that I must have cancer. That may sound crazy to you, but the thought, in my mind, is valid. Both my parents died of cancer.
My dad died of lung cancer in 1991. He did not smoke. I often wonder if the summer he fought forest fires when he was in college played a part in his cancer. Walking through this difficult time was my first experience in dealing with a person who was going to die. My mom was the primary caregiver, so I seldom had to care for him. I visited as much as possible but wasn’t there as much as I wanted. (I lived 60 miles away.) In 1990/91, treatment was different, and chemo was horrible. (Chemo is still horrific.) I watched him fight the battle for a year. It was hard for me to see my hero deteriorate. My family and I were all with him as he passed. It was a blessing to be there and hold his hand as he died.
Mom was diagnosed with cancer in 2009 and lived until 2011. She had a rare form of bone cancer. Her treatment was aggressive. She was in the hospital for five days and received four days of aggressive chemo. When she would come home, she was sick. I often called the ambulance, and she would be in the hospital for a week or two and would start chemo again. She did this for five treatments. She was brave and wanted to fight. I was the primary caretaker. It was challenging! My brother lives in the Boston area, and he and my sister-in-law came out as often as possible to give me a break. I am very thankful for their help! Dan and I sat at the Hospice House, watching her slowly slip away. My mom and I had a challenging relationship; however, four years before she died, we reconciled our issues and had a good time together. I felt honored to care for her for the last two years of her life.
All that being said, you might realize why the thought of cancer haunts me. After my mom died, I often said that I would not accept treatment for cancer and would die having lived a quality of life until I got too sick to enjoy life. However, I have never been in a position where I had to choose whether or not I would go through the gruesome treatment of chemo.
Recently, I started having an issue that is a sign of cancer. When I contacted the doctor, his office called me immediately and scheduled a biopsy. I waited a week and a half to get that biopsy. During that time, I prayed, accepted the support of friends, and asked others to pray. Unfortunately, that little voice in my head told me that I was going to die a gruesome death.
To be honest, I am not sure I would go through what my parents did; I no longer fear death. I feared the actual procedure. A part of that fear was the unknown. The biopsy was painful, but I got through it!
A week later, I got the results that everything was BENIGN. I am so relieved and grateful.
What did I learn from this?
· God has got me. He is going to walk through every situation with me
· I need to be better at trusting God.
· I am ready to go home (Heaven) but want to live my best life possible.
· I am loved and supported by my friends
· I don’t know if I want to accept treatment. (If I do, I want to go through it as a woman of God and encourage others going through the same thing.)
· I need to pay more attention to my body and get healthier. Taking better care of myself does not mean I won’t get cancer, but it does mean I will be able to fight it better!
· Finally, the scare made me ask myself, “Am I living my best life possible?”
I encourage you to take good care of yourself. Pay attention to your body, and don’t wait too long for help. You are worth a lot, and people who love you want you to have the best life possible. That is true if you decide to do treatment or not!
Have a great week!
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