MILESTONES FOR MOTHERS

"Being a mother is discovering strengths you didn’t know you had and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed." — Linda Wooten

"My kids call it 'yelling' when I raise my voice. I call it 'motivational speaking for the selectively hearing.'" — Unknown

It is that time of year again—Mother’s Day. I included two quotes above because mothers do so much that one quote does not encompass all they do. The first is serious, and the second is funny but true.

I lost my child in an adoption failure. He was 5½ months old. During that time, I learned about motherhood. I discovered my strengths as a mom, and my fears sometimes overflowed. Over the years, I have enjoyed watching my friends raise their children. It has been a blessing to be there for the tears and joys of my friends.

I may not officially be a mom, but I am a wonderful aunt. My best friend’s grandchildren are the light of my world, and I love them; they all call me Aunt Christy. They are adults now (one is a teen), and I cherish still being a part of their lives

I want to look at some milestones in a mother’s journey. I looked up milestones for moms, and I got a ton of milestones. I picked out a few to write about, plus my comments!

·      Pregnancy Confirmation—Many people look forward to having children, and when the first home pregnancy test is positive, they feel incredibly excited. However, the doctor's confirmation is even more thrilling! My friends have shared with me how they told their husbands. Some women simply shared the news, while others planned elaborate ways to convey the happy news!

·      Baby’s first smile/laugh – The first time a baby smiles or laughs, a mother’s heart warms. You constantly try to capture the baby’s beautiful smile, and as soon as you aim your camera or phone at them, their smile fades, and sometimes, tears fall. How frustrating is that!! Soon, you will be able to take that precious picture.

·      Potty training success – I have heard many stories about potty training. The one I enjoy most is where the parent puts Cheerios in the toilet, and the boy practices his aim! Once your child succeeds, there is clapping and excitement! The mother may say, “Hallelujah, no more diapers.”

·      First day of school – For some, watching their child go to school, TK, or Kindergarten is challenging. I have heard there is a feeling of pride and sadness about how quickly their child has grown. The mother often realizes that life is over, as she has known it for the last 4 to 5 years, and a new season has begun.

·      Child losing their first tooth – Did you tell your children that they would lose their teeth? My parents did not. One day, I felt my tooth getting loose, and I didn’t tell anyone. Then, one day, it became so loose that I decided to tell my mom. She excitedly told me this was normal and that I would grow adult teeth. My dad finally pulled the tooth. I put the tooth under my pillow that night, and the Tooth Fairy came! This event reminds moms that their child is growing up!!

As children grow older, different milestones come into play.

·      First real disagreement—Some of my friends who are mothers have expressed shock. When their children were younger, they argued about what to wear to school, whether they could have a snack, or why they had to share their things. Now that the children are adolescents, disagreements have become more serious. They are concerned with curfews, appropriate clothing, dating, and many other subjects. Disagreements are disheartening as a mom, but you must endure them, and you and your teen have become stronger.

·      Teaching your teen to drive. Most teens are excited about and look forward to driving. Many moms worry! My mom did; whenever she rode with me, she held on to the door and pressed her foot through the passenger seat floor. However, my mom was the first one to let me drive. When I first turned 15, before I had my permit, she allowed me to back out of the driveway and pull up to the front of the house. I felt like such a grown-up.

The following milestones come when your child has reached adulthood. Some milestones you my experience are

·      Becoming a grandmother (full circle) – I am in my sixties, and most of my friends are grandmothers. The joy they express at having grandchildren is almost unexplainable. There are many pictures on their phones and joy in their voices when they talk about them. I have been told that as much as they enjoyed their children growing up, they love spoiling their grandchildren. Grandmothers are the best.

·      Being called for advice, not just for money—(Respect realized)—This is a milestone many mothers wonder if it will ever happen. The first time it does, she often feels blessed. For many mothers and daughters, that advice is asked during a daughter’s pregnancy and as their grandchild grows up. I asked my mom for advice when I was getting married.

·      Watching them become parents – (seeing their legacy continue) – This milestone is covered in the above two milestones. A legacy is a joy to watch come to fruition.

Moms deserve to be celebrated.

I recognize that some of you may have struggled with your mother, and  Mother’s Day is difficult. Relationships can be destructive. If you are a mom, enjoy the children who celebrate you!

Since Mother’s Day is difficult for me, I find activities that I enjoy. I usually attend church, but sometimes, I stay home because the emphasis on mothers can be overwhelming. I understand they have gifts for all women, but honestly, it feels like a slap in the face. It serves as a reminder that I don’t deserve it. This year, I will go to church and do some things I enjoy, like watching a movie and working on journaling. These activities bring me joy.

My mother has passed away, and I will remember her on Mother’s Day.

I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day!