“You cannot change what you refuse to confront” – John Spence
About a month ago, I wrote a blog about my anger and frustration about getting an insulin pump. I have fought the process all the way. To be honest, if I had known ahead of time how much attention you had to pay to the carbs, I would have said NO! I find myself thinking about food and how it will affect my numbers and insulin. I should have been paying attention to those things before, but I did not. I have found that wearing a pump has helped me make healthier food choices. Also, my sugars are under much better control, and I have not experienced a low blood sugar since I started wearing the pump.
A week ago, I began using the pump. It caused me much anxiety. I have taken four shots a day for over 40 years. Now before I eat, I put the number of carbs I am going to consume in the pump, and it does the rest for me. I often feel like I forget something. Even though I stop to enter the carbs, I feel like I should be giving myself a shot. Taking my insulin was part of my bedtime routine, and I felt uncomfortable not taking my insulin and stayed awake until I convinced myself that I didn’t have to give myself a shot.
I have been using the pump for a week now and found that it has not been bad. I can see some of the benefits!
Like the quote says, “You cannot change….” I did not want to change. I was used to taking insulin shots four times a day. I did not want people to mess with my routine or what I was eating. I was not open to change.
The quote ends with “what you refuse to confront.” I was forced to take that first step, but I did it. While waiting for the pump and actually using the pump, I complained, cried, and basically was a pain in the neck! I confronted this issue last week. When I started using the pump, I began to face my fears. I changed the way I feel about the pump; after all, it will be attached to my body for a long time.
I have learned to be willing to accept the inevitable and have a positive outlook on it. Thank you, friends and family, for putting up with me the last few weeks. You are appreciated!